I HATE CINGULAR WIRELESS! Someone Please Pass Me Some Spoons, I'm in an Eyeball Scoopin' Mood!

For the past 4 days I have been trying to get ahold of someone in the billing area of customer service for Cingular Wireless so I can change the billing details on my account. I just want to make sure my payments are getting deducted from another account. Prior to calling AGAIN tonight, I had called 5 other times within the last 4 days...each bloody time I am told the system is having problems updating and can I please call back in another 24-48 hours! Sure no friggin' problem, I have no better use for my time than to spend the first part of each call fighting with the automated system in hopes of being connected to a real-live oxygen consuming human being....and then once the automated system throws down the gauntlet, it takes it another 2-3 minutes to connect me to a live person because.......it's sending me to India! Yes, that's right, India.

Oh and get this, each time someone answers the phone, I've gotten names like this, all in heavily Indian accented voices:

Buck Stephens
Trisha Collins
Nate Spencer
Forest White (I about choked and asked him to please repeat his name)
David Spencer (possibly Nate's brother?)

And tonight was my favourite;

Jude Smith

Every one of these folks refused to tell me where I was calling until tonight when I told Jude I thought he had a lovely accent and such an unusual name, and he said he was located in *drumroll please* New Delhi! And that aint New Delhi, New Jersey.......Oi!

I have seen programs on 20/20 and Dateline about more and more huge call centers being farmed off to other countries, several of the call centers being located in India. But did I think I'd really ever have to deal with it first hand? Nope. Not little ole naive me. Both programs went on to explain how the call center reps have adopted "american sounding names" and are trying to use american slang in order to assimilate and sound more american. Ha!

Now I dont have anything against the nice folks in India, but there are some obvious communication issues, especially when they are connecting to billing and accounting systems that remain in the United States and the two hardly ever have their collective heads and asses wired together. I'm sure it's just as frustrating for them to deal with as it is a Cingular Wireless user like myself who just wants to make a simple change to her account.

So Jude spends 30 minutes with me on the phone, repeating everything I have told him, at least three times. I was speaking slowly and clearly but we still had some problems. So when we finally got to the point where he was sure he had the new details right, Jude tells me he's going to transfer me back to the automated system so that I can accept the "terms of acceptance". Oh joy! He said he'd key in the first set of details and all I had to do was indicate "yes" by pressing 1 on my touch tone keypad. And he says he'll stay on the line with me during the entire thing. Ok so the little automated lady gets to the point where I am supposed to press "1" to accept and I do and then she says she cannot complete the transaction because of "system interface errors"!!!!!!!

Jude comes back on the line and apologizes profusely and tells me they have been having some "interface" problems with the system and then he gives me my favourite line; "May I please be asking you to please be calling us back in 24-48 hours and we can be trying this again?".......

NO I WILL NOT CALL YOU BACK IN 24-48 HOURS SO WE CAN BE TRYING THIS AGAIN!!!!! NO NO NO NO NO and NO!

I told him that as charming as everyone is, I don't have time to call back once again, for a 7th time to fight with the automated system and then finally be connected to a real live human being several thousand miles away who is going to tell me the same GD thing all over again!

Then Jude says; "Alright ma'am here is what I will be doing, I will be giving you a call back in 24-48 hours when our technical difficulties have been resolved will you be down with that?"

I am not joking, Jude actually asked me if I was going to be "down" with that. If I weren't so frustrated and irritated at that point I probably would have been rolling on the floor in fits of hysterical laughter. So I asked Jude, "will I be down with that, is that what you've asked me?"....and he says "yes ma'am will that be acceptable" and I told him that I just wanted to make sure I understood correctly and that yes, I was fine with him calling me back in 24-48 hours to once again go through this and hopefully make the changes to the account.

Will I ever receive a call from Jude, or maybe next time Orlando might call me, or possibly even Hillary, Paris or Leonardo may be the one to call and try and help me make the changes to my account?

I don't know, but stay tuned for the answer in another exciting episode of , "New Delhi 90210".