Insomnia

Being pregnant can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

I'm hitting that point where the insomnia is starting to settle in. Well, it's either that, or the fact that tomorrow morning I have an orientation for a local Marine animal rescue/rehab/release group I'm going to be volunteering with and I think I'm a tad nervous about it. 9:30AM on a Sunday morning no less. What was I thinking?

Oh that's right....I've decided to stop accepting new clients and needed to keep myself busy. Plus, this group is trying to deal with an unusually large number of stranded and beached seals and other marine mammals and they really need the help. And it's an opportunity for me to learn something new, something I've always been keen to gain further education on, and now I get a hands on chance to do just that, plus do some good for a very worthwhile group.

So, I think it's a combination of insomnia and excitement/nerves about tomorrow morning.

When I was talking to Gareth earlier (well ok, I was barking at him, I'm getting tense about getting everything over there taken care of once and for all, and trying to deal with getting things packed up here as well and frankly it's a bit much right now. I can only handle so much and I am rapidly reaching my limit) and realized that in just a few short weeks I should be able to feel the baby's first movements. There have been a few occasions in the last few days when I thought I felt something like bubbles. Just the slightest hint. But it could just be gas. The thing is though, I have this feeling it's not gas. But at 14 weeks, I think that's too soon to feel anything.

I remember when I was pregnant with my son Joshua, my first baby, and I felt him move for the first time. I about jumped out of the car - I was that excited. There were 3 other people in addition to me in the car, and I think I scared them all half to death! I shouted; "OMG! OMG!" I wish I could describe the experience better but it was amazing. For some reason, I don't really recall the first time I felt movement with the twins or Zack. I think I was too worried about a million and one other things. I do recall, especially with the twins though, there were several times when I wished they'd just be still. Should have seen it for what it was back then....a little insight into how busy they'd eventually become once they were born and started walking! *lol*

Sadly, I don't recall much of my pregnancy with Zack. No one was excited about it. No...they were all too worried about how we were going to care for another baby and that we really shouldn't be having another one. Comments were even made to the effect that it wasn't fair that I was having another one, yet both my ex-husbands sisters (he had twin sisters, both infertile) were unable to have children of their own.

Anyhow, this time around it's like I'm noticing everything for the first time. I'll try and elaborate on that in another post...soon. I just don't feel like going down that road right now. But suffice it to say, this time around I am in an entirely different place in my life, surrounded by people who love and care about me, and I truly believe in my heart that makes all the difference.

One final thought before bed.

I made my nightly visit to VJ (I know I said I wouldn't harp on it, but again, tis my blog and I'll post what I please)....while I don't post there any longer, I do follow some of the threads. Stina and Suj.....if you are reading this please know how much support you have in your friends, like myself and M and several others out there who have left the site. I applaud your perserverence to make a stand and stick by your convictions in the face of all the bullshit out there. You've much more tolerance in your little finger than I do in my entire being.

But also please remember that those who choose to insult you do so out of ignorance and out of their own blindness. You know the old saying; "there are none so blind as those who will not see". I think it's patently unfair that the site *cough* admin refuses to meat out the same punishment for the people who slam you and insult you as they did for incanada123. I think she got to a point where she couldn't take it any more, and much like a dog who's been beaten and cornered, it does the only thing it can...it snaps back. While she choose to express her opinions in ways which I didn't always agree with, I don't blame her one bit.

And I do have to wonder why people like a few in particular who seem to hate this country so much, would choose to stay here and live under the evil empire as they call it, and be led around by "liars and men who have intentionally comitted great crimes against humanity". Oh they all sure hate the US gov't, but they're so willing to stay here and reap the rewards of living here. That's not to say I don't know well enough there are people who immigrate here (such as those that come over on a K Visa) who are having one hell of a time adjusting, and add to that the fact that the US gov't makes it damn near impossible for these folks to live anything resembling a normal life. You can't work until you get your EAD....you can't get drive unless you have your SSN and EAD in some cases. It goes on and on. And for those folks caught in that loop, I more than understand their frustration with a very obviously broken system. But I digress and this is really a topic for another post.

Personally I thought a certain someone's constant attacks on Suj's and yours refusal to comment on military service was a blatant personal attack. These certain individuals are like dogs with a bone. They won't let go. And you know, they have to get the last word in. Well, one of these days they are going to choke on that bone.

They are far from the "intellectuals" they like to portray themselves as. Any person that takes enjoyment from insulting, flaming, or slamming someone else is no better than the scum on the bottom of their shoes.