***WARNING*** Massive Rant About Not Using Daycare....Some Not So Polite Language!

Now that I’m feeling a bit more human and less like a denizen of the bathroom, who worships the porcelain god, I need to yell and scream about something!

While I know freedom of speech is a right, there are some days when I wish people would just shut the hell up!

I’ll warn you now, I am really angry and my mouth tends to go south, if you know what I mean, when I’m angry. Especially if I am hurt and angry, which I am now. I’ll apologize now for the profanity. I know, not very becoming of someone who calls herself a Christian.

A few days ago, before I came down with food poisoning, I was dropping some stuff off at the local charity shop. And as I was leaving a lady approached me and asked how far along I was- but not quite in those words;

“Goodness, you look about ready to pop, how much longer?”

And I told her; “Not quite three months.” And she replied with;

“Wow are you having twins?”

This wasn’t helping any. I am a big girl to start out with and am a bit sensitive about the issue. But I’ve never had anyone this pregnancy ask me if I’m having twins! The worst thing people do is rub my belly, which I DON’T like unless I know you. I don’t even like the little old ladies at church who do it. Which is probably where I should be right now, but being that I’m still recuperating from food poisoning, and it’s raining cats and dogs outside, I’m not there. These same ladies pinch my cheeks too. I kinda thought I’d outgrown that, oh say, THIRTY YEARS AGO!

Anyhow, I digress.

So I just smiled at this lady and said, “Nope, there’s just one, thankfully, I’ve had twins and once was enough.”

Then she laughs and says, “Oh my goodness, twins and now another one, you aren’t Mormon are you?”

WTF? Those who have more than one kid nowadays are automatically labeled “Mormon”….?

But she doesn’t stop there.

“Well you are definitely a working Mom then, are you going to be able to take off enough time after this baby gets here? I know some employers are really stingy about that, some hardly give any new Mom’s enough time off at all to recover.”

At about this point I was really starting to get irritated (I should have known by the "Kerry/Edwards" and "PETA" bumper stickers on her car and the fact that she was driving a Prius that this was not a conversation that was going to end up well), and told her,

“You know, nowadays there are LAWS that address that, one of those LAWS is called FMLA….employers MUST give their pregnant employees a certain amount of time off to give birth and recover. There are requirements, but for the most part employers nowadays are pretty good when it comes to giving new Mom’s sufficient time off….well new moms who choose to go back to work. Goodness, look at the time, I didn’t realize I’d better get to the grocery store before the after-work crowd gets there”

But this lady was not going to shut up, she was bound and determined to keep this conversation going.

“Oh how lovely, you have a day off work in the middle of the week, its nice isn’t it, to be able to have a little break like that, take care of appointments that you can’t during the weekend.”

So I say, “Pardon? I’m not sure I understand….I don’t work.”

To which she replies;

“Well my dear, however do you manage to raise twins and now get ready for a new baby? Have you ever worked? I’m a working Mom and well we just couldn’t maintain our standard of living if I didn’t work, and thank god for daycare!”

About this time I was really surprised at the audacity of this lady, asking what I consider pretty personal questions. And I didn’t really want to get into the issue of my other kids living in Seattle with their dad, because some ladies feel it their duty to make me feel like crap for being a “bad mother and not raising all of my children”….It’s no one’s business what led up this arrangement. And screw them anyhow for inferring things about my character.

I tried to remain as calm and polite as possible and said;

“I have had my own consulting firm for some time now, as my twins are nearly 16 and my youngest is nearly 13, and when I got pregnant this time, I decided to take a break from work for a while. And we’d really rather not use daycare.”

That last sentence came out of my mouth before I had a chance to stop it. And let me just preface the rest of this by stating that I don’t think anything bad of parents who do have to leave their kids in daycare. When my older children were small, and when I did work, my former husband worked nights and was able to stay home with them.

And I might as well just tell you, I cannot physically or emotionally leave ANY child of mine in the care of someone for up to 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. I don’t think I am any better than anyone else, or that parents who use daycare are giving their children less…it’s just that the ONE time I did leave my child in the care of someone else who was not family, he ended up dead. My two year old died while being cared for by someone who was not family and who was just looking after him for a few hours.

Yes, it’s been 15 years since that horrible night. Please don’t sit there and say; “Gosh Auds, you really need to get over it.” This is my personal hell, and I’m not asking you to agree, I’m not asking for your personal psycho-analyzation of me or my various psychosis’s, I’m not even asking you to understand really…I’m asking you to let me and my demons be, and just understand that I am unable to bring myself to leave my child in the care of someone else. Call me a control freak if you want, I am! But don’t tell me to “get over it already”, because if you do, you can go straight to hell.

Anyways after I replied to this lady that I can’t leave my kids in daycare, she got rather offended and went on a diatribe about working mothers and how moms like me make those who must work, feel bad.

So she goes on…..

“Well, it must be nice to have the freedom to be so well-off that you don’t have to deign to use daycare, SOME of us don’t have that choice and its women like you that make us feel guilty for having to leave our kids in the care of someone else!”

I was feeling pretty indignant myself at this point, but not wanting to let this arrogant, self-righteous witch into my personal life, my own aches and pains and just about in tears – well ok, my eyes were watering – replied to her;

“You know, I’m really sorry you’ve misunderstood what I’ve said. We aren’t wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, but my husband works hard and makes decent money and any decisions we’ve made about how our children are raised, we’ve made together for our benefit and for our personal reasons and not to slight those who make different choices for their own families. Have a great day!”

And I got in my car, turned up the stereo really annoyingly loud on purpose, and drove out of there as fast as I could.

While I am willing to admit I might have come across the wrong way, I don’t think I said anything in any tone which implied I felt I was better than her or that working parents who use daycare are offering their children less.

And it’s not even like I’m one of the “Dr. Laura Drones” who go around espousing the virtues of staying at home with your kids and how your kids will be better people and less likely to be axe murderers if you are a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom).” I don’t even like Dr. Laura.

And really, in the long run…when I’m ready to start doing voice-overs again, or even start consulting again, it will be a time when I know I can do these things from home and be there for gidget. And if something happens, then it’s my own fault. I also know I might want to rejoin the adult crowd, because one of my close friends just said to me; “I know you really must want to go back into radio at times, don’t you miss it?”

Yeah, I do miss it. I miss being on the air, and I just miss the entire feeling of being in a station, just me and the mic and no one else. I miss having someone like Tim McGraw, or Cher in my studio and being able to just have a chat with them….I’ve never been phased around people like that and it’s just fun. Just part of the job! And I think I was kinda good at it too! And there are times when I really want to go back. And it's not because it's some glamorous or high paid gig! Believe me, it isn't. Ask any of of the folks to the right that I've linked to....they can tell you the same things about station PD's and GM's who are nobs and total jerks and companies to work for that only care about Arbitrons and bottom lines but little about the air talent....I just miss the job itself! But not so much so that I’d put gidget in day care. Just can’t do it. And I know there are some really phenomenal child care providers out there. And I know that studies show that children grow socially and intellectually while in daycare. I also know I’m a huge control-freak with some serious emotional hang-ups who cannot and will not leave her daughter in day care.

And I’m really sick and tired of working Mom’s turning the guilt thing back around on me and saying its people like me who make them feel guilty for having to leave their babies in daycare. How do people like that know that I won’t be feeling, at some point, like I’m really missing adult interaction on a day to day basis?

Yes, I’m well aware of the fact that it’s increasingly difficult to maintain any decent standard of living while raising children without both parents working. And I know for some people, it’s impossible. But don’t project your guilt on me because you have to work. There are plenty of things we will happily (ok and sometimes, probably not so happily) go without because I won’t put gidget in daycare and work a regular job.

Either way, Gareth and I have made decisions based on what we feel is best for our family. And rather than judge me or make assumptions that are not necessarily accurate, why can’t you just support us and let us live our own lives?