18 Weeks Along - Reading To Baby In-Utero

Had an interesting e-convo with my mom about reading to a baby in-utero.

I have been reading Winnie the Pooh books and some Dr. Seuss books for a few weeks now. But I've since packed those the other day without thinking about it. My remaining books would probably not be the best choices either, seeing as how they compromise Anne Rice, Edgar Allen Poe and some cook books that Gareth brought over with him the last time he was here. I haven't had a chance to pack them yet. I've read some of the studies on the benefits of reading to a baby in-utero and always promised myself if I ever had the chance to have another child, I'd definitely do it.

Years ago when I first got into radio, I read the Dr. Seuss books aloud to help with annunciation and aliteration. And I've just kept it up. But it's different now....I'm actually reading to someone special. And a year or so from now, will there be some flicker of recognition as I sit and hold our child in my arms, and read something from Dr. Seuss aloud, or Winnie the Pooh? I don't know, but it will be fun none-the-less to see.

My mom suggested the Harry Potter books. I'm inclined to agree although I think we'll wait to start those until October when Gareth is here for good. That way he can read them to peanut in the accent they were written in...British. After all, peanut will be part English too! I thought about getting the audio books and just putting some headphones on my tummy, but that sort of defeats the purpose of peanut hearing mom and dad read to him/her. Along with the Harry Potter books I think I'm going to read the Little House on the Prairie books too. Those were a childhood favourite and yes, I still watch the TV show in re-runs.

But late last night I got bored and discovered a book in the nightstand that I had long forgotten about. While it's not a children's book, it was still funny. So, what did I read to peanut last night?

Cows With Guns

Here's a little excerpt:

Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
Cows aren't fun


They eat to grow, grow to die
Die to be et at the hamburger fry
Cows well done

Nobody thunk it, nobody knew
No one imagined the great cow guru
Cows are one

He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal
Cow Tse Tongue

He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred
He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd
Cow doldrums

He mooed we must fight, escape or we'll die
Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high
Bad cow pun

But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate
Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate
Cows are bummed

He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy
No one suspected he was packing an Uzi
Cows with guns

They came with a needle to stick in his thigh
He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye
Cow well hung

Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor
Run cows run!

He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay
We are free roving bovines, we run free today

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

They crashed the gate in a great stampede
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed
Cows have fun

Sixty police cars were piled in a heap
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep
Much cow dung

Black smoke rising, darkening the day
Twelve burning McDonalds, have it your way

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

The President said "enough is enough

These uppity cattle, its time to get tough"
Cow dung flung

The newspapers gloated, folks sighed with relief
Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef
Cows on buns

The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed
They mooed their last moos,
they chewed their last hay
Cows out gunned

The order was given to turn cows to whoppers
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers
But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers
Came the deafening roar of....

... chickens in choppers

We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the Buffalo, or die
Cows with guns

Copyright 1996 Lyons Brothers Music (BMI)
PO Box 2627, Bellingham, WA 98227 USA


Ok so I posted the entire thing. I can't help it, it's funny. It started out as a song that was popular both at the college radio station I was working at back in '96 and the station in Seattle I was interning at, KISW. This was back when Bob Rivers' show, Twisted Tunes was still at KISW. I interned for Cathy Faulkner and occasionally for Twisted Radio. Although I won't embarras myself and actually go into some of the things Bob, Joe and Spike made me do. Awwww, the life of an intern. Radio interns the world over will know of what I speak.

Anyhow, I got the book back then, it was based on the song and had really amusing illustrations and have just hung onto it all these years. Am not real sure what peanut thought of it. So on that note I am off to Borders to pick up a couple of other books that won't get packed until the last minute and will hopefully keep both peanut and myself occupied.